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February 1st, 2009

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People misuse the word random when they actually mean "unique" or "interesting." So here are 25 non-random, interesting, unique and funny things that you either already knew or didn't want to know.

1). My last name was Redhead until 6th grade when my family changed it to Callerstrom so we could make more friends.
2). We did not make more friends.
3). One time I stole a fish.
4). One time I stole $5 from a girl because I remember that she was rude to me in high school.
5). One time I walked into a men's locker room *kind of* on purpose.
6). I was a vegetarian for a little under a day.
7). I don't know if I've ever been able to touch my toes.
8). I don't have very many fears but those really old superhero cartoons where the character's mouths never match up with what they're saying kinda freak me out.
9). When I was younger I wanted to be an actress because I wanted to be interviewed for Entertainment Weekly.
10). I wrote a 60-page short story when I was 11. It was horrible. Eventually I got lazy and just plagiarized the rest of it from "My Girl 2."
11). I've never found Mel Gibson or Tom Cruise even remotely attractive.
12). I'm allergic to bees so I cannot eat them (or their stingers).
13). When I was 11 two high school boys in my neighborhood came to my door and asked me out on a date. I turned them away but they paid 60 cents for my autograph.
14). I was going to be a model at a car show once but I was offended by the spelling errors on the application.
15). I have balance problems. In grade school I would get out of my chair and fall down.
16). The first time I was published I was 13 and it felt awesome.
17). Whenever I'm at Target I always try to make the cashier laugh.
18). I've been told I look like Heather Graham, Katie Holmes, Alicia Silverstone and Taylor Hanson.
19). My feet are size 11 and I can crush cars with them like Godzilla.
20). Buddhism is the non-religion I've been looking for.
21). I've never believed in God, except maybe when I was 4.
22). My favorite Sesame Street character was Cookie Monster.
23). I told myself years ago that I was going to leave MN by the time I was 25. I'm now 26.
24). I'm going to write a book someday and use everyone's real names.
25). I used to collect metal lunchboxes. Then I stopped. I have E.T., Kermit the Frog and Superman. Somewhere at my parents' house is Snow White and Popples.

January 20th, 2009

Tangerine

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I watched this movie tonight for the first time in over three years.

January 18th, 2009

I've got something to say!

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I will not be abandoning LiveJournal entirely, but please bookmark Heroine Withdrawal at your earliest convenience because I plan to write in that one more. I feel like LiveJournal is closer to "hey guys here's what I've been up to" then what I really want to write about. So I'll probably use this as "here's what I've been up to, complete with humorous anecdotes and excessive profanity." Then the other one will be for other stuff. Stuff I don't mind if the general public reads. You know me, I'm an open book. A book I have to get my act together and WRITE already. Goddamnit.

So, go you over to that blog and put in on your Favorites. The last entry on there was from October 6th of last year. I'll update, I promise! Scout's honor. Girl Scouts' honor? Fuckin A I could go for some Peanut Butter Patties.





January 4th, 2009

Nerds

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I have secured a ticket (or "membership") to the science fiction and fantasy convention, CONvergence! It's not until July, but any recommendations for a costume would be appreciated. One rule: it must be kinda skanky. What? I wear nothing but black T-shirts and jeans. I think two times a year I'm allowed to show a little skin* (Halloween, one; CONvergence, two).

Right now I'm set on going as Elle Driver from Kill Bill.



No? Yes? It's not just being a nurse. It's being a nurse with an eye patch and a syringe! I'm tall and blond like Daryl Hannah. It can work.

I could be someone from Battlestar Galactica. Not Edward James Olmos. However, this might require watching more Battlestar Galactica.

If I keep working out, maybe I can be Sarah Connor? (not skanky enough- also, kinda butch).




*This reminds guys of you naked. And then they think of sex!

December 21st, 2008

Yup.

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We're related.



And those skills? Self-taught.

November 23rd, 2008

(no subject)

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November 12th, 2008

BATS. They're weird!
 

Look at those teeth! Is that the jaw of a shrunken dog? You think it might be cute because it's fuzzy and it flies. In theory it should look like a tiny, tiny kitty with wings and excellent hearing. But it's got those big ass satellite ears, a turned-up yet concave nose and tiny sharp teeth so they can chew up the guys' fingers in the picture. That bat does NOT look happy. You don't not fuck with a bat in the morning before they've had their coffee.

Ooh, here's another looker! And this one has a MAGGOT hanging out of his mouth like a cigarette!

Hey sexy, come here often?

November 7th, 2008

It's Cathy Friday!

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Celebrate Cathy Friday by reading the Cathy comic that appeared on Election Day. Even Cathy can be patriotic. See? She doesn't just care about food.

Oh, wait. Nevermind.
 

(no subject)

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Happy Friday.

November 3rd, 2008

And for once I'm not being sarcastic.

Today: I have an interview at Tracy's Saloon. They're looking for someone to work on Saturdays. I could serve burgers and pour beers. One for you, one for me! I think I'm addicted to work.

Tomorrow: Election Day. This shit is going to be huge. It is huge. I'm nervous and excited. I will vote at 7:30 A.M., go to work, go to my second work, and then head to Bullwinkle's to watch the poll results come in. I need to do this in a public place while eating free popcorn and drinking Summit Oktoberfest. I can't be alone in my apartment when this happens.

Wednesday: Is... the middle of the week. Maybe more Oktoberfest?

Thursday: Thursday is 30 Rock night.

Friday: Friday is... Friday. Payday!

Saturday: I work. Also, it's Saturday?

OK, maybe I don't have as much plans as I thought I would. But contingent on Obama's win, I think I will need to do some celebrating. I think we should all celebrate Obama's win by buying me boots.

November 2nd, 2008

WHERE DO I BELONG?

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Maren and I went to Target yesterday and we found an illustrated children's book all about Barack Obama (there was a McCain one, too).



This book was hilarious and wonderful. Maren read it to me as I sat in the aisle and listened and asked her to show me the pictures. I will quote parts of the book here, from memory.

"Barack was new at school and didn't know where he fit in. WHERE DO I BELONG?* Barack thought." * caps their's
"In the end, Barack could be summed up in one word: lovable."
"Something something, Barack will be our next great president, something, everyone will hold hands and smile."

It was actually a touching book. I wish there was one about my life! (No I don't.) We looked at the McCain one a little bit but got bored easily. We were distracted by the "Elmo y El Baño" book that came with sounds like flushing and using toilet paper. "Elmo va a usar el
baño!"

I bought Mitch Hedberg's CD, "Do You Believe in Gosh?" from Target. I am listening to it now.

"When I go to a CD signing, and no one shows up, I just act like I'm shopping. This is how I shop! I sit at a table and hold a pen."

The CD is over now. Frowny face! :(

Maren just realized that she's a fan of The Office so she's making all the jokes and references that people made three years ago. But it's Maren, and I love her, so it's OK. Last night she was making "Jim faces" at me.

I'm watching Tootsie. Someone told me that it's the most realistic portrayal of what it's like to be a struggling actor. I mean, when we think actors, we think people who are already famous and can roll around in a bed of money, but there are lots of people out there who can barely get a shitty part in some local radio commercial. That's what Tootsie is like.

I like Dustin Hoffman's voice.

 

You need to watch this video NOW! It's a cat. A cat on a horse. A cat rolling around on a soft horse set to a Swedish kid's song. You're welcome.


October 13th, 2008

Suck it, monkeys!

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I don't have to work today, thanks to Columbo Day.

Columbo Day is a celebration of the television series Columbo, which starred Peter Falk as a homicide detective in Los Angeles. The series was on NBC in the 1970s. It then ran on ABC for from 1989 to 2003 (according to a certain publicly-edited online encyclopedia). I remember the opening credits and promptly changing the channel. You may recognize Falk as the grandpa from The Princess Bride. Currenty, Falk is not doing a heck of a lot, but he was in Next and did a voice in Shark Tale.

Happy Columbo Day, everyone!

raise the roof! (?)

October 12th, 2008

Sunday nights

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... are awful, but become a bit more tolerable when I've found the right movie to fit my mood. 

October 11th, 2008

(no subject)

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Last night at Hollywood Video I came upon this:

Let me essplain. Cats: the Movie is in now way based on the Andrew Lloyd Webber musical. It's not based on anything, really. It's just a movie about cute cats. But it's made with REAL cats! I think the back cover said it's a movie "with cats for people who love cats" or something. It's like straight-to-DVD distributors finally got all my letters.

Here is the "plot summary" from IMDB: A young domestic "indoor" cat named Marcello escapes from his home one day into the big outdoors to visit "Jujube", a pretty out-door female kitty. Alone for the first time in his short life, Marcello learns to grow up and finds true love. Aw! I don't know who plays the voice of Jujube, but voice actors for this movie include Jeremy Piven, Jeremy Sisto (the role he was meant to play- a squirrel!), Michelle Rodriguez and Dominique Swain! (...) I identified it as a straight-to-DVD movie on cast alone, but... cats!

Cats: the Movie was originally titled A Cat's Tale. Customer William English on Amazon.com described the movie as follows:

Real Cats! Really ACTING! You feel it, and that is why it works so well! Just watch there  [sic] faces, they were totally "there" for the shooting of the scenes...very special...I love this film.

We are renting this immediately.

 [Customers at Amazon.com have frequently purchased this item with Barbie and the Diamond Castle]

 update: the DVD I saw in the store had a superfluous apostrophe. "Cat is the movie?"


October 10th, 2008

What's happenin', hot stuff?

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I slept funny last night because today it hurts to turn my head without turning my whole body at the same time. I'm kind of like Joan Cusack with the neck brace in Sixteen Candles.

I know what I'm watching when I get home today!

... Not Sixteen Candles. Hopefully 30 Rock.

October 6th, 2008

As I was looking in the bathroom mirror just now, I ran my fingers through my hair and a ladybug flew out.

 

 

a). Funny!
b) Aw... you're like Mother Nature. I bet the squirrels sing to you in the morning and the sparrows carry your clothes to you.
c). You have bugs in your hair.

October 5th, 2008

(no subject)

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I woke up this morning and one of my thoughts was, "man, I feel like watching E.T. Wait... do I own E.T.? I think I do. Do I? What if I don't?!"

I thought about getting on my bike, putting on a poncho (it's raining) and biking down to Target in the Quarry just so I could get E.T. I have to have E.T. It's a magical movie. Plus a little boy calls his older brother "penisbreath" in it. That's a pretty good dis.

Luckily, I did own E.T. It's between Equilibrium and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind on my DVD shelf.

That's the end of the story. Now I'm watching E.T.

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